Slowly Destroying Their Innocence

When I was a child I worried about small details such as getting home when the street lights came on.  I spent summers playing outside and running through sprinklers.  I played football in the street with the neighborhood kids and have the scars on my knees to prove it.  My sister and I rode our bikes all over small town America, without a care in the world.  The worst thing we could imagine happening to us, was being chased by a mean neighborhood dog and getting bit on the bottom (true story).

As an adult what I worry about changes on a daily basis.  My biggest fear is that with each passing day I see the innocence of my children slowly being destroyed.  As parents, Mr. G. and I are a united front when it comes to the well being of our children.  Sure we don't always agree, but in the end we do come together to do what is best for them. 

Kids today have more luxuries than they need; smart phones, tablets, a dozen gaming systems, and many other creative thinking hindrances.  With these devices comes the accessibility of knowledge and exposure to things that young minds may not be ready for. This free accessibility to knowledge comes with a price and can destroy their innocence if we don't pay attention. I learned that lesson first hand one day when my eldest red asked me why those bad men flew planes into the Twin Towers on September 11th.  This conversation stemmed from him browsing around on a "to remain nameless" site and somehow coming across videos of the planes crashing into the towers.  That's when I really felt the innocence of my young children being destroyed and I was letting it happen.  I felt like I no longer had control of the information he needed to know, while holding back the gory details.  I knew I needed to somehow regain that parental right to try and protect his young developing mind. Some may say controlling too much of their lives will hinder their creative thinking and views.  Besides what we don't tell them, they will just learn at school from their friends.  They are 8 and 9 years old. They barely started picking out what to wear to school and still like to be tucked in at night. I highly think they are old enough to be online selecting what videos to watch.

I guess my point of this ramble is that I want my children to be free thinkers, grow and learn in a world that is nothing I would of ever imagined it would be when I was 8 and 9. However, I think as a parent it is my responsibility to make sure they are spending these precious years being a kid and only having to worry about making sure they are home when the street lights come on. For now, I want to carry the burdens of the world on my shoulders for them because one day I will wake up and they will be grown adults trying to protect the innocence of their own children.

xoxo

~Me 

Finding the Good

Abraham Lincoln once said, "We can complain that rose bushes have thorns or we can rejoice that thorn bushes have roses". I probably wouldn't think twice about that quote, but recently I read something similar that had a greater impact on my thinking.  "Every day may not be a good, but there is something good in every day".

There's a lot of truth behind those words.  We tend to focus on the bad of any given situation, rather than see the good.  The good might make us seem to compansionate or thankful. The good might give people the impression that we are "perfect" and live without fault. The reality is we are drawn to the bad and need to be reminded of how to find the good in each day.

For me, I learn from my reds.  They are still too young to judge or cast doubt on others thoughts or beliefs.  They look at a rainy day as getting to have P.E. inside the cafeteria or jumping in newly formed puddles.  We adults may think of it as a ruined round of golf or spots on a freshly washed car.  The lack of paying attention to or acknowledging the good, is turning us individually into the overly critical people we said we'd never become.  So, my late resolution for 2014 is to journal the good I find in each day and hope that come December 31st, I'll have a pretty awesome list to share.

~ Me

Don't Stop Believing

Tonight on my drive home I was humming one of my favorite songs; Don't Stop Believing by Journey. I don't have a clue why I love this song so much. It's not a song chalked full of inspirational lyrics. It isn't attached to a sentimental event or person in my life. Maybe it's the 80's connection and my love for just about everything from the 80's. Regardless, I love turning up the volume as loud as it will go (or I can tolerate) and signing my heart out to this song. So here I am, on my drive home from the gold country to the central valley and as I'm scanning the radio stations, it happened. I hear the first few cords and almost instantly my mood went from irritated to giddy. The volume went up, the windows came down (slightly) and the lyrics flowed out of my mouth. For those brief 3 minutes and whatever seconds, I forgot about everything going on around me that is weighing heavy on my heart and mind. And when the song was over the smile on my face and giddiness I felt didn't fade. So maybe that's why I love that song so much. It has the ability to instantly bring sunshine to my day. And maybe someone knew that I needed to hear those three little words that I've been lacking in my attitude lately....Don't Stop Believing!!!!

xoxo

Me

More than a Name

To say I’ve been a little stressed lately is a huge understatement. I hate to abuse the written word with negativity, so I will try to keep my less than positive talk to a minimum (no promises). When you are born, your parents aren’t handed a Raising Children 101 owner’s manual. There are thousands of books out there that tell you what to expect, how to sooth, when to feed, not to spank, etc. But no two people are alike and there’s no way to write a book to cover every situation and personality. The same thing applies as we get older. There isn’t an owner’s manual on how to be an adult. There isn’t a road map of how to’s, FAQ’s or troubleshooting. There isn’t anything that tells you how to be “More than a Name”.

To understand why this latest blog received that title, I will have to insert a little background. If you know anything about me and my professional career, you know that I take an extreme amount of pride in my work. If you aren’t quite sure what I do M-F, from 8 am -4:30 pm, Google what does a planner do and you will find a few articles on a day in the life of an urban planner. I chose this profession because it’s one that intrigues me, opens up the creative side of my personality and challenges me to think outside the box. I have spent a considerable amount of time making sure that what I say, do or write is accurate and reflects the most current rules, regulations and case law. I’ve worked hard to be “More than a Name”. So when I feel like my integrity or ability is being questioned, I will fight to maintain what I have worked so hard for. Similar to a mama bear with her cubs and how she will protect them no matter what the ultimate price is.

The downside of this profession is when the economy goes south and development slows to a turtle’s pace, downsizing begins and many planners find themselves unemployed. So in this profession you have to be “More than a Name” or you won’t survive. I figured that out early on in my career and knew that having the professional respect of fellow colleagues, the development community and the public was one important factor in succeeding. This all circles back around to my comment about maintaining what I have worked so hard for.

You might have a pretty smile and can chat it up with the best of them, but that only goes so far. You have to be genuine, follow through and be fair and equitable. This applies to life in general, personal or professional. There isn’t an owner’s manual or road map that tells you how to do these things and to me what should seem like common sense, I suppose is not. Is it really that hard to be genuine, follow through and be fair and equitable? Regardless, I learned another hard lesson this week (one that I’ve learned many times before) and that is, that I cannot control what others do. I can only control what others perceive ME as. And that is why I will always strive to be “More than a Name”.

xoxo

Me

A True Soldier

Ralph Grau was a husband to Theresa for 38 years. Father to Robert, Michael and his wife Dottie, Mary, Cheryl, Vincent and his wife Denise, and Terry and her husband Craig. Grandfather to Shannon, Darcy and her husband Jeremy, James and his wife Jennifer, Mathew, Steven, Raymond, Daniel, Derrick, Casey and Katherine. Great-grandfather to Jonathan, Samuel, Lucas, and Braden. Brother to Edna Mitzer.

He served his country as a marine in the early 40's and was one of 14 survivors left in California that served in Iwo Jima. While in Iwo Jima he was wounded twice and was awarded the Purple Heart. He was proud of being a marine and was always willing to share a war story or two.

Many of you may have known him as the friend that prayed along side you, sat behind you in church or met you for breakfast at Johnny's but we would like to share with you the man you may not have known.

Back in his day, he would sport a neckerchief and take our grandmother square dancing. For several years he spent countless hours raising parakeets. What started out as a few, grew into a patio of many. Like most people he had his own rituals. Every night before bed he would enjoy a bowl of Kellogg's rice krispes. He only like vanilla ice cream, not French vanilla; and if you asked what the difference was you'd better have an hour to listen to his explanation. After church, regardless of a morning or evening mass, he enjoyed going out to eat. His morning breakfast for the grand kids before taking us to school was always cornflakes and orange juice.

The smile on his face will be a lasting memory fin our hearts. He was a confidant, friend and someone who will always be by our side. The love and happiness he gave, will last us all a lifetime.

Cloudy Skies

Lately is seems like my skies, once filled with beautiful white puffy clouds (you know the ones that make you want to lie on your and daydream) have been scattered with dark and gloomy ones. The clouds that sit idly by until you get out of the store and then dumps buckets of rain on you. My gloomy clouds are caused by things out of my control, but things I have to deal with. For lack of a better cliche`, I've just been weathering the storm, hoping it would pass. Feeling discouraged and stressed as most of us do when we are weathering the storm, I vented to a friend who later that evening shared this wonderful quote with me.

Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky

~Anais Nin

The very poignant words of Anais Nin almost instantly brought it all into perspective for me. I have a sky full of the white puffy clouds and I was letting this one pesky grey one ruin my outlook on things. It's still a beautiful sky, perfect for daydreaming, but I wasn't allowing myself to see that.

As reactive humans, I believe we tend to turn even the smallest grey cloud into the largest gloom and doom thunderstorm we've ever experienced. There's a lot we should be thankful for during this unsettling and unstable time. Although it may seem like there is one white puffy cloud in a sky of thunderheads, in the grand scheme of things it could be much worse. So I'm going to embrace my cloudy skies, whether they are filled with white puffy daydreaming clouds or the unpredictable gloom and doom ones.

XOXO

Me

Unsaid, Undone

In our very short time here on earth, we will have left so many things unsaid. We will have left many many things undone. For various reasons we let our fear of the "what if" get in the way of taking the leap of faith or doing something out of our comfort zone. Maybe the fear of how others will react keeps us from saying what needs to be said.

The other morning while driving to work, a song came on the radio that reminded me of a man I love very much that passed away in April. I honestly don't know why it remained me of him, but it triggered many memories. I began to feel very emotional, sentimental and surprisingly a little regretful. I began to wonder if he was trying to tell me something. Had I not said what I needed to him before he died? Had I not given him the respect he deserved? Was he looking down on me and trying to tell me that he was unhappy with something I was or wasn't doing? But then I thought, not a chance. The emotional and sentimental feelings were present because not only was my grandfather a wonderful man, but he helped you make the best memories. The regret, well the only explanation that came to mind then (and now) is that maybe I didn't do enough for my kids to build fonder memories with him that they won't forget. What I do know for a fact is that I didn't leave anything unsaid with him. He knew how much I loved him. Whether it was a goodbye hug at the end of a family gathering or the final kiss I gave him on his cheek and the whisper in his ear telling him how much I loved him; he knew. I do believe that ultimately he was trying to tell me something on my drive into work that morning. I have lots of undone's and a few unsaid's I need to get to. My number one undone is to finish my book that I started writing back in 2008. A book about a very difficult time for me and how I came out on the other side. A healing book for not just me, but hopefully for others. A book that may just be a stepping stone to greater things.

xoxo

Me